


After All We've Been Through

by Percyjacksonfan3



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence - Post-Thor: Ragnarok (2017), F/M, I just really wanted to write this, but the Avengers characters are so much fun to write, could have ended it sooner, loki is his usual self, reference to torture under Thanos but barely, sif is sassy and blunt and i love it, thor and loki are bros and should love each other, wrote this after thor ragnarok came out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 14:31:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18012650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Percyjacksonfan3/pseuds/Percyjacksonfan3
Summary: "You posed as the Allfather.”“Yes.”“You sent me away.”“I did.”Sif’s lips thinned and her blade wavered once, so slightly that nobody else would have noticed. “Why?”Loki met her eyes steadily. “You would have figured it out.”Loki and Thor need Sif to help the Avengers defeat Thanos when he finally comes to Earth. Which means Loki and Sif need to sort out their issues from the past and figure out whether they can work together in the future.





	After All We've Been Through

_Then Sif came forward and poured mead for Loki in a crystal cup, and said:_

_"Hail too thee, Loki, | and take thou here_

_The crystal cup of old mead;_

_For me at least, | alone of the gods,_

_Blameless thou knowest to be._

_He took the horn, and drank therefrom:_

_"Alone thou wert | if truly thou wouldst_

_All men so shyly shun;_

_But one do I know | full well, methinks,_

_Who had thee from Hlorrithi's arms,--_

_Loki the crafty in lies."_

_-_ The Poetic Edda: Lokasenna

 

_“For I alone know, as I think I do know, your love besides Thor, and that was the wicked Loki.”_

 

oooOOOooo

“So. Where is Sif?”

Loki looks up from his brother’s hands undoing the chains around him to meet his eyes. Valkyrie really hadn’t left any room for movement and his shoulders were starting to hurt from having his hands bound for so long behind his back.

He’s sure that he could have undone them with magic if it had come to that, but he likes to maintain the illusion of weakness in some areas. It’s always so gratifying to see Thor’s face when Loki shows up and does something unexpectedly.

Though his question has Loki feeling caught off guard in a way Thor rarely used to be able to do. However, it seems to be getting more common and that is a problem.

“Sif?” He reiterates, voice as calm as ever despite the panic making his heart beat faster. He’s no child anymore though, and it’s been centuries since he learned to school his features in any situation. “Missing your lady love now that Jane’s out of the picture, brother?”

Thor eventually just grits his teeth and pulls on the chains, resorting to strength in a difficult situation as he does more oft than not. Loki doesn’t mind, usually it gets the job done and is amusing to watch, but he can’t say he’s a fan of how it jerks him suddenly to the left, making his already aching shoulders burn in protest.

Hearing the Beast laugh from where he’s standing to the side with Valkyrie doesn’t help either.

“You know I feel nothing but familial affection for her. You know better than most.”

Loki almost lets the unease show on his face as it flits through him. He’s underestimated Thor before but he hopes that his secret in this regard has been hidden well enough. He hopes he hasn’t been mistaken in assuming Thor’s obliviousness. The thought of Thor knowing his true feelings terrifies him still, even after all these years.

The chains fall and Thor grunts, shooting a look at Valkyrie. “You couldn’t have helped?”

She smiles winningly and Loki resists rolling his eyes. He’s not the only one who wears a mask to cover past hurts, but hers is more sad than anything. Drowning in alcohol never fixed somebody’s problems, but she still hasn’t seemed to figure that out. Her reply is sarcastic. “But you did so well.”

Thor does roll his eyes at her words and gets up from where he’d been kneeling to stand. He hesitates and Loki flexes his fingers and arms, feeling the blood rush back to them, before Thor sticks out a hand to help him up.

Loki eyes it for half a moment before taking it, wondering if the surprise shows on his face. Probably not.

“Elaborate,” he says and when Thor shoots him a confused look he sighs. “Why do I know better than most your feelings towards Sif.”

Saying her name almost hurts. Isn’t that funny, Loki thinks.

(It’s not actually. It’s not funny at all.)

His brother shoots him a look of exasperation, as if Loki is the slow one. He resists the urge to laugh. “You know what I feel for Jane, Loki. You’ve seen the lengths I’ve gone to so she will be protected. I ended our entanglement-”

“I thought she dumped you?”

Thor glares at him. “-so that she would be safe in what was to come. There is no room for Sif in the place of my heart Jane occupies. You know this.”

There are a lot of things Loki could say to that. He’s thought them countless times. He could say that while under the disguise of Odin he had set Thor free, letting him leave the throne behind to be with Jane, just like Thor had wanted. Thor could have done anything and at first he had gone to Earth to be with his mortal.

But the God of Thunder was not made to live the life of a mortal on Earth. Thor might like to believe he was protecting Jane in leaving her behind and allowing her to end their relationship, but Loki knows it was Thor saving himself too. Thor courted war, which is why Loki had always been wary of his relationship with Sif.

It was inevitable. He’d realized that a long time ago, before any of the others. Thor and war went hand in hand, and where there was war there was Sif, the embodiment of it.

Loki doesn’t deny that part of him- a large part, perhaps most if not all of him- is happy that the inevitable still hadn’t happened just yet. If he was being completely honest, which he wasn’t, not ever, only rarely, he would admit that seeing Sif with Thor would be too great of a pain to bear.

This all runs through his mind in a moment. The God of Mischief doesn’t say any of it, instead just nodding to his brother’s words.

(When had he begun lying to himself so thoroughly?)

“But none of that answers where Sif is now, Loki. Where have you sent her? Not to another old folk’s home on Midgard, I hope.”

Loki’s mouth twitches at the corners even though there is guilt, regret and pain twisting together in his stomach. “No, brother.”

Thor rounds in front of him to make Loki stop and meet his eyes. “Where is she, Loki?”

His mouth opens but it takes him a second to speak. When he finally does start Bruce Banner- beast, Loki thinks, only just managing to stop himself from stepping back when the scientist approaches- interrupts him.

“Hey, can we focus on how we’re going to get through the Devil’s Anus please? If the trickster really has the codes we need to move fast.”

Valkyrie raises her eyebrows at them in a question and Loki turns back to Thor, feigning an apologetic look with a smile and a shrug.

Thor glowers. “We are not done with this discussion.”

“Oh, but for now we are.” Loki says and moves towards the other two, taking care to stand as far away from the Hulk as possible.

Nobody seems to notice and Loki lets himself relax, pushing all thoughts of the Goddess of War from his mind. What comes next can be nowhere near as hard as that brief conversation.

oooOOOooo

Loki had fallen in love with Sif in his youth, amongst rolling fights in the dirt, pranks involving hair cuts and gifts of knives. Hidden talks in Asgard’s Great Library had been treasured memories before the jealousy and resentment had drifted in like a fog to surround his heart. Before any mention of the name Laufeyson had attached itself to him.

It hadn’t been easy or effortless, and they had kept it a secret from everybody for a great number of reasons. They had been young back then in a way Loki barely remembered being. Loki hadn’t lied to himself so often, Sif had been much more open with her feelings and the biggest problems they’d faced were having to deal with old court officials and proving themselves in the eyes of their parents. He’d fallen in love with her in a way he’d never thought he would allow himself to fall in love- it had been consuming and terrifying in a way that was passionate and reckless and everything.

In the end, it had been Loki’s own folly that ruined things between them both. They had started so innocent, the two of them, but in the last hundred years before Thor’s coronation Loki had begun to see what he’d missed- or ignored- before.

Thor gained praise from their father where Loki got nothing. Frigga tried to make up for it with hidden smiles and secret jokes shared between them, but there was a pain in knowing that one of your parents so obviously prized your sibling over you. That pain led to a bitterness and Loki, already more withdrawn than Thor, distanced himself even more. He was desperate for approval, but he couldn’t gain glory while standing in Thor’s shadow. His achievements had to be new, they had to be solely his, and that meant working harder than ever to improve himself.

But distancing himself from Sif had not been easy.

He’d fallen too deep, something he’d realized when he caught himself watching her sleep in his bedchamber one morning. With soft light cast across her face from the sun, he’d been completely enraptured, and Loki had realized at that moment that he’d have to end it. He had to stop. Having a liability this great was bound to end in nothing but pain.

There had already been talks of Sif marrying Thor. Both of them had heard the whispers, Sif’s parents had sat her down to talk about it. She told Loki she’d considered it before, years before when her parents had placed the idea in her mind, but things were different now. Thor was like a brother to her, she’d promised, while Loki was…. Something else entirely.

Loki had believed her.

But they were powerless against the word of the Allfather. Against the words and wishes of Thor. There was only so long his brother could go on being so ignorant of what stood right in front of him. Loki believed that too.

(Who else could ever catch Thor’s attention while Sif was around? What other being was more entrancing, more interesting or worthy of love? Such a person was unimaginable.)

“I will not marry to please any man,” Sif said, eyes boring into his to make him understand as she propped herself up across his chest. “When I marry, it will be for me. When and who I choose.”

He’d smiled, hiding the vulnerability he felt so keenly.

When it had come down to a choice between Thor and himself, nobody had ever picked him. As much as Loki admired and believed in Sif, he didn’t think she would be the first to break the cycle.

So he’d lied (or so he’d thought) and for once Sif had either believed his lie or pretended not to notice it, for when he’d said “I know,” she’d only smiled and kissed him.

It had ended, like Loki had always known it would. Though not in the way he’d expected.

He’d been surprised when it had fallen to him to do it. He’d thought Sif would have given up ages ago and realized Thor was what she wanted. He’d thought the second that he started extricating himself from her, from the situation and the danger of his feelings, that she would take the easy out and move on.

He had thought wrong.

If anything, Sif had only tried harder and Loki had thought perhaps….

But then yet another feast was held in Thor’s honour after a dragon slaying that almost gotten them all killed, and Loki had determined more than ever that he was not the one suited for Sif. She had fought fierce and fearlessly while he had kept an eye on her, always, to ensure she wasn’t hurt. He’d watched the way Thor and Sif had reveled in the glory at the feast, seeing the way Sif laughed along with the Warriors Three in recounting their adventure.

He’d left early that night, claiming exhaustion, and when Sif had come to him he had reiterated the excuse, ignoring the concern and fall of excitement on her face. She’d left him alone that night.

But not for long.

“You are avoiding me.”

His chambers were quiet until she entered them, voice hard and hurt and brooking no argument.

Loki stayed still for a second, deciding quickly, before snapping the book in his hand shut and spinning to look at her, adopting an embarrassed grin. “You’ve caught me.”

Sif strode to him, only stopping once Loki took a step back. Confusion washed over her quickly before hints of frustration replaced it. “Why?”

Setting his book down Loki spread his hands helplessly. “I do so hate confrontation. I was hoping we could do this with dignity.”

“This?” Sif questioned before catching up seconds later, real anger showing in her features. Hurt shone in her eyes though and Loki resisted the urge to make it go away.

This is necessary, he told himself. For both our sakes. You are the one holding her back from doing what she truly wants and she would only have broken your heart. This way you are the one in control.

(Was this the first lie he told himself? He wondered later. Perhaps.)

“Dignity?” Sif hissed at him. “Looking away every time I enter a room, shunning my touch, not talking to me and giving me the respect I deserve as your-”

“My what?” Loki bit out. “My paramour? My lover? My equal?”

Sif blinked and then straightened. Her voice hardened. “As your friend, at least.”

“Friend.” Loki scoffed.

“Do not play games with me, Loki.”

“Oh, I would never presume to do so, my lady. You were always so perceptive of my tricks.” He stepped forward, eyes piercing, wanting her to back away. “Tell me, Sif, do I play games now?”

Even like this, even hurting (for he’d hurt her, wounded her deeply, much more than he’d thought he was able) Sif outshone her surroundings, straight and strong and glorious. Unyielding she shined and it was like she was the only light in the room for the way Loki could not look from her form.

She backed up. “I see.”  She said, throat working. “I will bother you no more.”

Loki saw the shine in her eyes and something ugly filled him. “Perhaps Thor can comfort you,” he spat as she moved to open the door, watching as she froze, regret filling him as soon as the words fell from his lips.

Loki Silvertongue, they’d begun to call him.

(Liar, liar, liar, his mind hissed to himself.)

Sif turned back around, more intense than ever. “Is that what this is all about?” The anger roared out of her. “Jealousy?”

“I am only setting you free of your burden,” Loki gave a mock bow to avoid her eyes. “No need to thank me.”

“A false idea of self-preservation then.” Sif said, understanding dawning in her voice. “Loki.”

“Get out, Sif.” His voice was crueler than ever. “I grow weary of your company. We are no longer children, forced to play together to make Thor happy.”

He saw it as she shut him out, face growing hard, posture following.

Oh, Sif. Longing had filled him even then. She’d always been so easy to read. He’d craved that, the open way she had about her. No deceit or lies, only truth, even when it was harsh. Despite the lives she had taken, the monsters she had slain and seen, some part of Sif had always remained so innocent.

“I am so sorry to have been such a burden to you all these years,” Sif spat before walking out, not bothering to close the door behind her.

Loki’s magic had slammed it closed after her and he viciously grabbed the nearest ornament and threw it.

Loki had stared at the shards for a few seconds before moving past, waving a hand to repair them and leaving his chambers. Perhaps the library had something that could distract him.

And that was that.

(Liar, liar, liar.)

oooOOOooo

“Now will you tell me where she is?” Thor dropped Mjolnir on the table between them and Loki cracked open one eye from where he had been resting.

“Of whom dost thou speak, brother?”

“Loki,” Thor’s voice was a growl but less irritated than it would have been a day ago, before the defeat of Hela and the end of Asgard.

“Why I’m right here,” Loki opened both eyes, let a grin split across his face and splayed his hands. “I thought even you would be able figure that out.”

Thor did not look amused. “You know I mean Sif.”

“You could ask Heimdall.” Loki said. “If anybody knows his sister’s whereabouts it would be him.”

“I’m asking you. I know you know where she is.”

“Why do you assume I kept track of her whereabouts?”

“Because no matter what you claimed about lack of friendship between our comrades, you and Sif were always…”

Now Loki sat up straight, giving Thor his full attention. “What? What were we?”

(For Loki isn’t even sure he knows himself.)

“You respected her in a way you never did the Warriors Three.” Thor said. “Nor me, if I am being honest.”

Loki searched his brother’s eyes, caught off guard by the admission. “Do you truly think so?”

Thor looked surprise. “What else am I supposed to think?”

The raven-haired god shook his head. “Fool.” He said softly before clearing his throat. “What is this supposed special regard I held for Sif?”

Thor gnashed his teeth. “You change the subject. Where is she? We can retrieve her on our way to Midgard.”

Loki relented, leaning back. “Oh no need, brother.” He said. “She’s already there.”

Thor choked and Loki’s grin widened.

“How- we were there when we spoke to Father…”

“And much too busy to go searching for a goddess of war.” Loki cut in. “Then there was the whole Hela business to deal with.” He wrinkled his nose. “Much better we waited until now to see her again.”

Thor clenched his teeth. “I could throttle you.”

Loki hummed, closing his eyes again. He was drowsy after the events of the past week. “Later, please. I’m so tired.”

There was no response and he opened his eyes, sighing and turning serious. “She is fine. I promise. Now just wait until we get there and soon you’ll be reunited. No need to fret.”

Thor cursed and stomped away and Loki grinned, letting himself fall into sleep once more.

oooOOOooo

After one run in with Thanos in which Loki hands over the Tesseract and himself in return for the Asgardians safe passage to Earth, Thor trying to retrieve him and succeeding only for them to get split up, Loki ends up somewhere in England and Thor crashes into the ship of Peter Quill and his companions.

After that it all gets a bit messy.

The two of them reunite on Midgard in, Odin knows how, Australia.

Of course, by then the Mighty Do Gooders (okay, the _Avengers_ , dear Valhalla) have all been alerted and are beginning to assemble for the third time. If Banner’s word is to be believed, and Loki grants that it wouldn’t be a very amusing trick if it turned out to be untrue, Steve Rogers and Tony Stark are currently having a tense reunion at the Avengers base in America while more heroes than ever gather on Earth to discuss the threat of Thanos.

But Thor, instead of joining his comrades, is here. With Loki.

“We will need to gather every force we can,” Thor says, finishing updating Loki. “Thanos will be harder to defeat than any enemy we have previously faced.”

Loki almost feigns hurt but then he thinks about what they’re up against, remembering Thanos’ threats and power back when Loki had been found by him after his fall from the Bifrost. Out of everybody, he, Nebula and Gamora (Thor’s new friends) are the only ones to have met him.

The memories don’t improve Loki’s mood. He can admit that even he wasn’t quite as bad as Thanos.

“Well,” he claps his brother’s t-shirt clad shoulder and gets up from the bar, leaving his margarita after taking one last sip out of the straw. “Good luck with that. Try not to die, it would be a shame if you finally gave in when we were just starting to get along again.”

“Loki.” Thor’s voice is serious. “I would ask your assistance.”

He sighs from where he’d begun walking away.

His head was starting to hurt.

Turning back to Thor he adorned a falsely accommodating smile. “Now why,” he said, “would you ever ask that?”

“You could provide an enormous help.”

“Ah, ah,” Loki held up a hand. “Are you forgetting the time I threatened this planet? Maybe the brief week where your _Avengers_ all came together to defeat me? I don’t see that reunion going particularly well.”

“I will not let them-”

“Every one of your new friends detests me Thor.” Loki almost winced at the self-pity in his tone and hoped his brother hadn’t heard. “And I can’t say I’m too fond of them either. Do you think _Barton_ and I could ever end up sharing a victory drink in Stark’s home? Or that Romanoff and I could ever have a civil conversation without throwing each other’s pasts in our faces? Not to mention that the Soldier is much too high and mighty to look at me as if I were anything but mud on the bottom of his patriotic shoe. No.” Loki shakes his head. “I may not have disappointed you recently but don’t think now things go back to how they used to be. They will _never_ be what they used to be.”

Loki is practically spitting the last words into Thor’s face and he watches as his brother looks down, taking a moment to collect himself and nod.

“I am not so much the fool you presume me to be.” Thor says finally as Loki straightens again. “I have been betrayed and hurt by you more than anybody. Yet I forgave you.”

Loki looks at him from the corner of his eye. “That is entirely different and you know it.”

“Why? We’re not blood, as you keep repeating,” Thor says cruelly and Loki flinches. “You claim there is so much hatred and discontent between us. Tell me then, Loki, what makes me so different from the others?”

Loki’s tongue stilled. He could not say that Thor was any different without proving that Loki thought of them as brothers just as much as Thor did. Yet nor could he admit that Thor’s forgiveness was the same as that of his companions. After a minute Loki smiled. “I think this is the first time you’ve manipulated me so flawlessly.”

Thor smiled back. “It only took over a thousand years.”

“Could be worse.” The two shared a smile before Loki’s face grew serious again. “Alright, brother, I admit, your forgiveness came from us being family.” Loki ignored the ridiculous grin that broke across Thor’s face at his words and he ignored the feeling in his stomach at the words and the smile of his own they produced. “Your friends and I hardly share the same complicated history and connection.”

“Ah, with the end of Midgard as a possibility even you seem a better option, I promise. They will all agree.” Thor clapped his shoulder. “So you will fight with us?”

“I never said that.”

“But you will.” Thor nodded. “Good. Gamora and Nebula are knowledgeable when it comes to Thanos but I think we will find that you have more of an understanding of his plan and weaknesses.”

Loki looked over. “I will never again be under his mercy,” the trickster god said. “This I promise you. You can trust my motives in that regard at least.”

Thor frowns slightly. “His mercy? I thought-”

“What?” Loki asked him sharply. “What did you think?”

Thor was silenced. Until, “I never did ask you what happened after you fell.”

Loki looked back quietly. “No,” he said. “You didn’t.”

Thor nods. “And before I rescued you this last time? When you handed over the Tesseract for our survival? What did he do to you?”

Loki swallowed. Pain seemed to be his constant companion these days, whether physical or not. During his recent run in with Thanos at least he’d only had a chance to make it physical. Loki knew from pervious experience that the being excelled in other areas of pain all too well.

“Let’s just say I’m very grateful for your rescue.” He cracked a crooked smile. “Now, I assume you have all safe guarded the other stones?”

Thor was caught off guard by the subject change and frowned. “Others?”

“The doctor we encountered has one.” Loki raised an eyebrow. “Please tell me you all figured out that the gem he holds is the Time Stone.”

“We- of course.” Thor said after a second.

Loki sighed. “Which means no. Norns, will I have to do this all myself now that I’ve joined your band of misfits?

“Thanos will want the Time Stone soon,” Loki warned. “I would take care and tell your friends to protect it at all costs. And the one they call Vision. He must be looked after as well.”

“How do you- of course, of course,” Thor redirects his question hastily at Loki’s pointed look. “I’ll call Banner right now.”

“Thank you,” Loki conjured some money out of thin air and set it on the bar, draining his drink before nodding. “Alright then. Might as well get it over with. Shall we go and suffer through this reunion?”

Thor hung up his phone. Loki caught Stark’s emblem on the back of it and resisted the urge to roll his eyes. That man was almost as vain as he was, Loki was able to admit it. “I got his voicemail,” Thor said before answering Loki’s question. “And no. We have one more thing to do.”

“What would that be?” Loki asked uninterestedly. He was already preparing several glamour’s for the inevitable physical harm that would come his way once he saw the Avengers again. The assassins in particular worried him.

“There is one other who would not wish to be left out of this fight,” Thor said and as he spoke Loki felt his stomach twist unpleasantly and sink. “It is time, brother, for us to find Sif.”

oooOOOooo

Jane’s new apartment is nothing special, in Loki’s opinion.

“You really lived here?” Loki sniffed disdainfully as the elevator chimed open and they walked to the mortal’s door. “How ever did you survive? It must have been quite crowded.”

“Shut up, Loki,” Thor muttered, tense as he knocked on the door.

“Give us a second!” Came the shout and a moment later Jane Foster opened the door, stopping dead at the sight of Thor.

“Oh.” Her mouth opened and closed and then opened again. “Hello.”

“How articulate,” Loki muttered, which caused Jane’s eyes to shoot to him.

They widened and he watched as shock, wonder, anger and finally confusion crossed her face. “You!” She exclaimed, but this time in an entirely different tone.

Loki smiled and bowed his head. “Me. Lovely to see you again, Ms. Foster.”

Jane looked at Thor again. “But he-”

“Long story.” Thor said, still not having looked away from her. Loki rolled his eyes.

“Yes, well this is all very dramatic but you’re not actually the reason we’re here.” He brushed past Jane who made it easier as she turned to let him in.

Several things happened at once then.

The first. A woman with dark hair, glasses and a high-pitched voice appeared from a room holding a donut in her hand saying, “Woah, what’s Thor’s bad brother doing here?”

Second. Thor snapped out of whatever trance seeing his ex had put him in and all but shouted. “Yes! We are here for Sif.”

Third, and most important, Sif appeared from the opposite side of the apartment that the donut eating woman had come from midsentence “Darcy, what are you-”

Last, both Loki and Sif stopped dead once they’d seen each other, Loki’s voice failing right in the middle of saying, “We’re looking for a certain goddess of war-”

If Loki had been wiser he might have run. If he’d been smart he might not even have been in the present situation at all.

But with Sif it seemed he had always been terribly, thoughtlessly stupid.

He did not run, instead only staring as Sif’s face was overcome with first pain, hurt and betrayal before falling away to rage.

Loki ignored the pain in his chest at the sight and before he knew it Sif was striding over, her glaive appearing from seemingly nowhere, to press him against the wall. One arm pressed across his chest, holding him there while her blade was poised precariously at his throat, the edge just touching his skin.

“Give me one good reason I shouldn’t slit your throat right now,” she hissed, eyes flashing, and Loki took her in, eyes roving from her hair, as dark as his, but much thicker and more fun to run his hands through, to her face and down before meeting her eyes again.

Jane and Thor had finally entered the room and stood beside the donut-eating woman- Darcy, Loki thought he’d heard Sif say- watching the entire ordeal.

Thor opened his mouth, but Loki beat him in answering with a slow pleased smile. “I did save your life.”

Sif’s eyes narrowed, and her blade pressed a fraction of a degree deeper to his throat. Loki’s smile widened. “You posed as the Allfather.”

“Yes.”

“You sent me away.”

“I did.”

Sif’s lips thinned and her blade wavered once, so slightly that nobody else would have noticed. “Why?”

Loki met her eyes steadily. “You would have figured it out.”

They were both quiet, neither looking away from the other, before Thor spoke. “Don’t kill him, Sif.”

Sif’s eyes never wavered from his, a fact that sent pleasure singing through Loki’s veins. “Thor.” She acknowledged. “Tell me why you are with this, this…” She trailed off, apparently not finding a word in the English lexicon foul enough to describe him.

“If you remove the blade from my throat,” Loki said reaching a hand up to gently move it away a bit, only stopping when she pressed in harder. “We could fill you in, perhaps?”

“Please Sif,” Thor stepped towards them. “I do not wish to fight you, but I will, to stop you from harming my brother.”

“There’s no need-” Loki started, at the same time Sif said, “As if you could-”

They both stopped again, looking back at each other.

“Well,” the mortal named Darcy took another bite of her donut. “I did not see that coming.”

Jane nudged her. “Shh.”

“Have you ever seen Sif look that way at anything before?” Darcy hissed back. “I don’t think so.”

“Hush, Darcy!”

“Yes, please,” Loki drawled before choking as Sif’s blade dug in deeper.

“Do not speak that way to my friends.” She warned. “Or I will kill you.”

Again their eyes held until Loki inclined his head just slightly. “As you wish, my lady.”

The mortal named Darcy let out a low whistle of appreciation.

Sif’s blade pulled away as quickly as it had come out and Loki took a deep breath as she quickly turned and stepped to Thor, embracing him.

“It is good to see you,” she said warmly, clasping his arms.

Thor smiled down at her. “You as well, Sif. We have much to discuss.”

Sif looked back at Loki who was watching them while pretending he wasn’t. “I can see that.”

oooOOOooo

Loki had few visitors down in the dungeons of Asgard. None who came to him in person, unless it was a guard with food or to bring him out to parade in front of Odin. Which happened once, a week after Thor brought him back from Midgard and his failure at taking over the planet.

Though he could have put more effort into it, something he was well aware of. By the end of the whole ordeal it had become very tedious and he’d almost been glad when it was over.

(A week, he’d wanted to shout. Not even important enough to warrant a sentencing right after his capture, or a visit. A week of wondering whether Odin would kill him. Perhaps it would have been longer if Midgard had not been pushing to know the punishment.)

Few visitors. Thor had not come until he had needed Loki to help defeat Malekith. Odin had never come. His mother had appeared only in visions, though Loki did admit she made an effort to do that much occasionally.

No one.

Except Sif.

She appeared the day after his sentencing from Odin. Word must have spread throughout all of Asgard by then.

No one was supposed to come down here unless they were a guard escorting a prisoner or feeding one. Sif did neither.

She appeared alone, dressed for war. No escorts. He wondered how she had slipped in and then chided himself for it. Sif had always been so much smarter than anyone gave her credit for, all of them too blinded by her prowess and physical strength of a warrior to think of the calculations that took place underneath.

He had though. Long ago. The first time Loki had set eyes on her he had seen everything she showed off proudly and everything she had tried desperately to keep hidden. Once he had known her better than anybody else in the world.

No longer.

Her footsteps were familiar to him, he could have picked them out in a marching army, and so his glamour was up before she could see him. His portrayed battle armour would rival even hers for cleanliness and grandeur.

Sif walked quickly, as if forcing herself to keep moving. Loki was torn between being pleased and regretful.

“My Lady War,” his glamour had bowed just behind the screen separating them, his tone scathing. “What an honour.”

Sif’s eyes searched the room before meeting the eyes of the fake. “Do I speak to you? Or an illusion.”

“Illusions are so much prettier than the truth, are they not?”

“From you I would ask the truth.”

He tsked. “Fools know better than to ask Loki Liesmith for honesty, and you are no fool, Sif.”

“No, I am not.” Her shoulders squared. “But I was once your friend, in childhood, if nothing else. For that I would ask some respect from you.”

He pondered it for a moment, before realizing it didn’t matter. Sif knew what he was, knew what he had done. He doubted Thor had let any of their old friends remain ignorant.

The magic faded away until it was Loki himself standing in the front right corner, looking at her intently. He was wearing his leather armour, no different from the faded illusion, but it was creased and uncleaned since his arrival, and his hair was not so finely kept. The white shirt underneath it was beginning to smell from being worn so many days without a wash. He was sallower as well and wondered if the bags had disappeared from under his eyes since his time on Midgard. His dreams hadn’t improved any, so he doubted it.

“You have always had my respect, Sif, something few can claim.” His voice was quieter, more serious.

“Is that why you had the Destroyer try and kill me?” She asked, and he saw in the way she bit her lower lip once the words had escaped that she hadn’t meant them to.

“Kill you?” He laughed callously, watching her blink in a flinch. “Oh no, I sent it to kill Thor. I thought that was quite clear.”

“What was clear was that you did not call it off no matter who was in harms way.”

Loki cocked his head. “I am imprisoned for the murder of Midgardians and attempted domination, yet you are angry at me because you were almost hurt in one of my fights with Thor?”

Sif breathed deeply. “I am angry at you for much more than that.”

“But this is what bothered you most.”

She pursed her lips but did not deny it.

“Why?” He asked, genuinely curious. The Destroyer seemed like ages ago, a child’s attempt at righting innumerable wrongs.

“I was almost killed.” Sif said. “Along with our friends and Thor’s lover, Jane.”

Loki’s features lit up in understanding. “Oh Sif,” he said in mock sympathy, leaning forward. “Did I hurt your feelings?”

She closed her eyes before opening them quickly and staring in distaste, gaze flicking up and down his figure. “You truly have gone mad, haven’t you?”

Loki stood up straight. “I am no more insane than you.”

“Then why do you treat me as if I don’t matter.”

“Why should the life of an Asgardian shieldmaiden matter to me?”

“I don’t know,” Sif retorted. “Why does it?”

He stares at her for a few seconds before laughing. “I thought I made it clear when the Destroyer did not stop in it’s path.” He leaned forward again, pressing a hand to the barrier. Sif’s eyes shot to it in surprise before looking into his eyes once more. “It doesn’t. Your life is nothing to me just as you are nothing to me. One of Thor’s playmates.”

She flexed her right hand and Loki noted the movement. A tell. She was hurt.

His mouth twisted. (A tell of his own. He felt guilty.)

“Was that all?” He drawled, suddenly wishing she would leave. He had been desperate for company, for amusement, but this wasn’t the kind he wanted. It wasn’t nearly so fun as he’d imagined it would be.

“I would ask where I fit into your plot.” Sif said to him.

Now he frowned. “How so?”

“Sleeping with me,” Sif said, eyes searching. “Making me believe you cared for me. Making me fall in love with you.” She swallowed as Loki twitched, visibly rearing back at the words. “What good did it accomplish? Is the culmination of that plot still to come? Or was it a prank on your part?”

Loki’s heart was ice. (Yet it cracked.)

He allowed all the magic to leave him for a second, just a second, and he stood blue-skinned and red-eyed. His smile bared sharp teeth. “Was this what you fell in love with?”

Sif’s eyes widened but apart from that she did nothing. She didn’t scream or draw her blade. She did not even step back.

They had all known then. Not just Thor. The entire realm.

And now they knew that the monster was locked in its cage, keeping them safe. Hail Odin, praise Odin, for keeping the realm safe from the beasts that threaten it.

“Is it?” Loki stepped forward and Sif didn’t step away, as expected, but came forward as if curious. (Loki’s heart cracked further.) “Is this the skin whose touch you crave? Are these eyes the one you fell in love with?”

“No.” Sif said, and Loki let the illusion come back full force as if it had never been dropped. It was so easy to turn it on and off now that he knew it was there. He stepped away, turning back to his cell, away from her words. “But if it is Loki then I love it all the same.”

He whirled around to her. “ _Loved_ it all the same.” He hissed. “Past tense.”

Sif says nothing and Loki snaps. “It makes no difference, as it’s lies. You forget Sif, I know you well, just as you claimed to know me. I have seen you slay jötunn, more than I can count. You revel in it, in the extermination of monsters and beasts.”

“If I am not mistaken,” Sif replied, voice shaking. “You have killed them also. And the man before me, though he is not Aesir, is no monster. Not of that kind, at least. The monster you are is the one you have made yourself into.”

Loki’s fists clenched. He turned away to sit on a chair, back to her, closing his eyes. “Why are you here?”

She’s quiet for a long time. Too long. His eyes open and he turns his head to check she’s still there.

She is. Closer to the shield between them now and watching him closely. Her eyes meet his.

“I don’t know.” She raised a hand to the shield and then clenched it inches away from its surface. Touching it would harm her. “I just needed to see you. To talk and tell you.”

“Tell me what?” Loki replied. “That I cannot be saved? That I am unforgiveable? A monster?” His mouth curls. “I already know.”

“No.” She’s quiet. “I came to tell you that no matter what you thought, somebody did love you. All that time you imagined everyone chose Thor over you, you were wrong. And you were wrong to attack Midgard twice and to work with the Chitauri.” Her mouth twisted. “You were so, so wrong, about so many things. One of them being this,” she squares her shoulders again. “Your home will always be Asgard. You belong with us, Loki, whether it be in prison or among us. We are yours as you are ours.”

Loki’s stomach clenched and he was shaking his head before she had finished. “You’re wrong,” he said softly, getting up to walk around the chair, stopping to stand between it’s back and the warrior in front of him. “I am no one’s. I have no one and never did.” He looked up at Sif, ignoring the hurt in her eyes. “And I have no home.”

He pressed his lips together painfully before continuing before she could reply. “You should leave, Sif. The lies can stop. Tell Thor or Odin that you tried but the monster could not be swayed. There is no part left in me that is Odinson, no love left in me for any of you or this place. Even you cannot reason with me. If you aren’t here to let me go then get out, for I have no use of you.”

Turning away he did not see her reaction to his words. He only heard her steps as she walked away, growing fainter and fainter the more distant she moved.

oooOOOooo

“Betray him and I’ll kill you,” she says to him seriously, always so serious, always honest to the point of brutal.

Were you a part of this? He wanted to ask. Did you vouch to use me and then return me to my cage? Was it your idea?

Watch your feet, he also wanted to warn. If Sif ever faltered or made a mistake in battle, it was because she forgot her footwork. Be careful. Run away. Stay safe. Malekith is dangerous and I don’t want you to be hurt.

Do you hate me so much? Would you really kill me? Loki wonders. Sometimes he ponders how much it would take from him to make her do it. At what point do his crimes outweigh her feelings? When does the love fade and hatred move in? Were last times words in the cells not enough?

Instead of showing all that though he smiles. With his face freshly slapped by Jane Foster, Loki looked back at the goddess in front of him, their eyes not even glancing to the horde of warriors running up behind her. If all went according to plan, Loki would not see her like this again for some time, possibly forever. “It’s good to see you too, Sif.”

He only moved once she had lifted her blade away, and even then, he glanced back in time to see her be swarmed by the fray.

oooOOOooo

They all move to Jane Foster and Darcy’s tiny living room. One couch and an armchair are not large enough for them all so Loki chooses to remain standing, wandering the room as Thor sits in the armchair, explaining to the three women what has happened in their absence. Jane makes distressed sounds as Loki picks up odd pictures and figurines and every time he leans over to read some of her work he can feel the tension in the room rise, something he had not thought possible.

Loki feels Sif’s eyes on him the entire time. He cannot say the feeling is unpleasant.

He does turn to watch her as Thor haltingly tells them of how Hela defeated the Warrior’s Three. Sif’s eyes flick to Thor for a second, lips parting in shock, before moving back to Loki as if wanting him to laugh and say it was all a joke.

Loki only shook his head, lips pressed together, and Sif’s face crumpled before she nodded.

When Loki glanced over he saw the loud one, Darcy, had seen the entire exchange and was watching them closely, eyes going from Sif to Loki and back again.

Jane was too busy staring at Thor and comforting him to notice anything else.

Sif stood up and Thor broke off. “Continue,” she said. “I just- I cannot stay still.”

She went to look out of the large window which gave the room its light. Her fists were clenched and she faced herself so that only her back was visible to them all.

Loki moved over to her as Thor continued speaking, now holding Jane’s hand. He described how he had fought Hela and Loki had started Ragnarok. Loki watched Sif closely.

Sif’s jaw was clenched and Loki glanced back once to find Darcy staring at them again. He quirked an eyebrow. She raised one back, surprise evident in her features as she eyed them.

Strange mortal.

Then he stood beside Sif, both of them looking outside and listening to Thor finish his tale.

When he was finished Sif seemed to physically deflate. “Asgard is no more.” She murmured quietly, just to him. Thor was conversing with Jane and Darcy. “I always thought I would die defending my home.”

“I know-” Loki stopped, mulling over his words carefully. “I know your love for Asgard was unrivalled by all but Thor.”

Sif glanced at him. “And you, once.”

Loki looked back outside. Away from the years of memories her eyes held. “Once. No longer.”

He still saw Sif’s lip curl. “You really are homeless now. Just like you said.”

His memory flashed back to their conversation in the dungeons quickly, flitting over it and then pushing the recollection away again. “We all are,” he said back quietly, not in the mood to fight, and Sif deflated once more.

“The Three-”

“I know.” Loki did look at her now. “I’m sorry.”

“Was it your fault?”

Loki opened his mouth, closed it. He remembered Thor’s words as he spat at him from Sakaar’s dungeon. He had sent Odin away, and weakened him. Odin’s death led to Hela’s release. Her release had meant the end of their friends and home.

Loki dug the fingernails from his left hand into his palm, ready for her anger. “Indirectly.”

Sif sighed. She seemed very tired to Loki, which made him uneasy. Sif rarely showed vulnerabilities, especially to enemies, which Loki still suspected he was. “Thor seems to have forgiven you, if it indeed traces back to your actions.”

He looks back out the window. “He has always been a sentimental fool.”

Sif hummed. They were quiet again for a few minutes before, “I would have been angry at those words once.”

“And now?” Hope prickles beneath his skin.

“Now I see Thor is not the only fool conflicted by his feelings.” She looked over at him. “You’re back here, in the place that hates you. With people on the planet who could very well kill you, if they knew where you were.”

“They are about to.” Loki ignored her first words, focusing on the second. Sentiment had not weakened him in ages. (It was all that drove him.) “Thor has asked for my help in the coming war with Thanos.”

Sif hissed. “By the _Avengers’_ sides?”

Loki bowed his head in confirmation.

“You’ll be killed!” She exclaimed.

“Why, Sif.” He smiled at her. “I did not know you cared. As I recalled you offered to kill me once yourself.”

Her face shuttered again and she turns to look back outside, though Loki didn’t see what was so fascinating about the neighbouring brick wall. “Your memory seems to be going. I remember offering many times more than that.”

“But only once that really mattered.”

“You were being released from prison. And you still ended up tricking your way free after.”

“Released temporarily, if you lot had gotten your way.”

“Would you have had us break you out? You know we could not.”

“And why is that?”

She stopped, chest rising up and down, eyes glaring. “Stop playing the victim.”

He cocked his head. “I play at nothing. I am what I am.”

“Loki a victim?” She scoffed. “Perhaps, but you would never show that weakness. If you appear the victim it is because it is an act. You hide any time you are truly hurt.”

His comeback died on his tongue. “Sif…“ He began to warn.

She cut him off. “I should know better than most.” Her mouth pursed. “You did it with me.”

“You let me.” He said eventually after feeling like he’d swallowed his tongue several times.

“Was I supposed to beg you to stay with me?” She said angrily. “You knew my feelings and it did not change anything.”

“I didn’t.” He said quietly. She looked over at him but he was looking away, at a picture of Jane and Darcy laughing together. He wondered if it was taken before or after Jane had met Thor. “I did not know.”

“I told you. Many times. Showed you in every way I could.”

“You don’t understand.” He faced her, voice suddenly earnest in a way he hadn’t been with her in decades. Suddenly he wanted her to understand. “Sif, back then, my mind-”

“Hey!” Darcy yelled over at them. “Can you guys wrap it up? Thor’s telling us how you all have to go save the world again and I, for one, would feel a lot more comfortable if our rescue team knew what the plan was.”

“Loki.” Sif started watching him intently, but he shook his head and his mouth twisted as he filled in the silence.

“Your friend, you said?”

She gave him a pointed look but didn’t fight. “Yes,” she replied as they moved towards the others. “Be kind.”

“Aren’t I always?” He muttered, and she almost smiled at him before taking her former place on the couch.

Loki stood listening to Thor this time, as Sif listened also, but neither looked away from the other.

oooOOOooo

Later Loki goes outside and wanders. They’d all eaten a rather distasteful plate of a dish Jane and Darcy called spaghetti, something Thor had spooned into his mouth with gusto while Loki had only stared at it, waiting for one of the noodles to move.

Sif had laughed at him and cleared her plate within seconds.

When it had come to sleeping arrangements, everybody had gone a little tense. Thor and Jane ended up sharing- surprise, surprise- and Loki had been left standing awkwardly with Darcy and Sif.

Darcy had gone to a cupboard and pulled out a threadbare blanket and pillow, throwing them at him and pointing to a couch. “Demigod serial killers who have tried to conquer Earth get the sofa,” she’d said, glaring. “Sorry, I don’t make the rules. If I did you’d be sleeping on the street. Or in a jail cell.”

Loki had looked down at his provisions and then to the couch. When he looked back up he had turned his gaze to Sif and his eyes had been pleading.

She had shaken her head. “’Tis not so bad, I promise. I slept on it for a week once arriving here before securing a bed of my own.”

He’d grimaced. “I don’t see why you and I-”

“Goodnight, Loki,” Sif interrupted, glaring at him before shooting a pointed look at Darcy who looked much too pleased all of a sudden.

He had inclined his head, first to Darcy and then to Sif. “Good night, then.”

They left, Sif shooting him one last look over her shoulder and Loki meeting her gaze steadily. Finally, they closed the door to their compartments and Loki turned to the couch, eyeing it with distrust.

“Well that won’t do,” he muttered to himself before snapping his fingers, and then there was a green king sized four poster bed where Jane and Darcy’s entire living room set had been moments before. They were presumably now sitting in the same store this bed had come from. He then threw the blanket and pillow Darcy had given him to the side, his armour quickly following, before sliding in under the duvet.

It took him a while to fall asleep, and when he did he only dozed. There were few places Loki felt comfortable enough to sleep deeply and Jane Foster’s living room in London on Midgard certainly wasn’t one of them.

When he woke it was still well before dawn. He stared up at the bed canopy for an hour, trying and failing not to think of Sif and their current predicament. Energy was coursing through him beside the always present hunger in his veins, the yearning for more, for things to be different. He was too awake to sleep again on this night.

He got up and put his armour back on. Then, with a glance to the miniscule kitchen’s appliances revealing it was past four in the morning, he quietly slipped out of the apartment, making his way down to the lobby and out of the building. He left a glamour lying on the bed in case Thor woke up and came to check on him.

No need for a panic to sound that Loki of Asgard was wandering the streets of Midgardian England. As long as Dr. Strange stayed out of his business then Loki suspected he could spend this morning in peace.

It was damp outside, and cold, though Loki fared fine. Even at this early hour the streets were slowly filling with people, all shooting him odd looks for wearing a crisp black suit, perfectly fitted. Apparently that didn’t fit in with the typical dress code for this area of London. He wondered if he should glamour his face but so far he could see no alarm on the mortals faces and it didn’t feel like it was worth the bother.

Only humans, he thought with a shake of his head. He wondered if it was because he was so forgettable to this world or just their short memory filled with things much more personally important to them that made him able to wander the dull grey streets without raising any kind of recognition. He doubted any other species would allow a former mass murderer to walk through the streets without at least some sort of recognition.

He came to a walking bridge eventually and just stood in the center, arms braced on the brick siding to lean forward and watch the water below.

It was seconds later that Sif took the same position beside him.

“You could have joined me sooner,” he said, noting that an hour must have passed since he’d left the building.

When he glanced over her lip was curled. “I never was able to track you without you knowing.”

He looked back at the water. “Don’t take it personally. Paranoia makes it so that there aren’t many who can sneak up on me.” He thinks back to the Black Widow, to her desperate eyes and the strict way she held herself as she’d tried to bargain for her partner. “And yes, you were able to once. You have, before.”

“Not for a long time.”

“No.” He’s quieter now.

She clears her throat. “I followed to make sure you weren’t escaping to Thanos.”

He glances at her again, noting that she was not in armour but a pair of leggings and a red button up jacket. “Lying to each other again so soon, Sif?”

She closed her eyes and he looked away, back at the water. “My glaive is strapped to my back. I did not come defenseless.”

“I know.”

She cursed. “Why do you do this, Loki?”

He can’t help but be surprised at the anger in her tone. “What?”

“Play games. With words and with people.” She gestures angrily and her teeth are bared. Her eyes flash and he wonders if that’s hurt he sees before it’s gone. “What are you doing here? Why do you wander Midgard and follow Thor and say you’re sorry?” Her chest is heaving and Loki straightens up, turning to face her directly, caught off guard at her outburst. “Why didn’t you kill Odin and why give up the Tesseract to save Thor from Thanos?” She takes a deep breath. “Why try and kill the jötunn and hide your heritage from us and send the Destroyer and come here?”

“Sif.”

“Why try and kill your family and why don’t you believe us when we say we love you?” She says and he definitely sees a sheen in her eyes before slowly the tears are replaced with defeat, something he has never seen Sif wear before. Her hair blows across her face and she angrily moves it away. “Why, Loki?”

Speechless is not something he is often, but Loki can’t take in her words and appearance without being struck wordless. Silvertongue, they call him, yet around Sif his tongue often feels more like lead.

Something in him is cracking, it is breaking open, and all of the hurt and rage, the jealousy, the yearning, it’s all crawling free of its prison. It started when he and Thor had come to see Odin for the last time and now it’s like he’s a hundred years old again, still figuring out how the world works.

Her hazel eyes are without moisture now and he sees cold defenses build back up. They’re almost visible to him, the wall around her heart coming back, hiding her from him once more. He wishes he could do the same but there is too much to restrain now and he’s tired of holding so much inside of himself with nobody to share the weight.

“There is no magical barrier separating us now,” she says. “You are not trapped.”

“Am I not?” He laughs, but there’s no humour and she ignores it.

“You can run.” Her eyes flash, moving from one of his to the other, trying to read him. “You can betray us all once more. But if you do, Loki, I will not forgive you. Not again. Mourning you twice is two times too many and I will not do it again.”

He swallows, feeling like there’s a noose around his neck. “I know.”

“Then choose.” She bites out. “I cannot try to trust you unless you show me you deserve it. I will not welcome you back with open arms and work alongside you in camaraderie if I don’t believe the person at my side will protect me with their life, just as I would for them.”

“Sif-”

“No.” She shakes her head. “No manipulations. If you can’t promise- if you can’t show me that you are here, with us, then you need to go. I mean it, Loki. You won’t hurt your brother again, not while I’m around. Leave now if you can’t see this through. Don’t wait until a moment we really need you.”

“I could lie.” He replies seconds later, feeling the emotion in his voice. “I can say that I won’t leave, that I will fight for good,” he sneers at the words, at the idea, “and deny all I have done. It would be so easy, to convince you all I had found the light, seen the error in my ways and show you… what? That hatred no longer drives me, but love instead? I can easily walk back to your dwelling with the mortals, and hug Thor and show him I didn’t run, and still, in days, or weeks, or months or years, I can betray you all again. Disappointing people, not meeting expectations, it’s all I know, Sif. The only person I trust is me, that is the only person who has never turned their back on me. How can I lie and say that when I look at Thor I’m not angry and jealous? Or that I look at you and don’t-” He cuts himself off and continues, ignoring her startled expression. “Asking me to walk home with you now proves nothing. It isn’t proof of my reformation and won’t earn your trust because there will always be a part of you that looks at me and sees Loki the jötunn, the monster who betrayed you and tried to kill you before you helped lock him up in a cell.”

She’s shaking her head before he’s done. “You have gone so long without trust you forget what it is. I will believe you, if you return with me, because trust is faith. I would not be here, asking you this and making these proclamations if I didn’t mean them, Loki. Some part of me, whether small or large, still trusts you. Somehow, I still believe in you.” His heart clenches and she seems to see it on his face because she steps closer. “Do not run from this, not again. I will not speak for the others, but I can speak for myself. If you continue to be open with me, if you come home and we work through all you just said is holding you back, then I will not leave your side. I will stay and together we will face what comes.”

The noose around his throat tightens until his voice is nothing but a croak. “Why?”

Her eyes are fierce and refuse to let his waver. “You know why.”

He swallows dryly.

“But I meant what I said.” She steps back abruptly and he gulps in a breath of air. “If you choose to walk away then I will harden my heart to you forever. No amount of good deeds will endear you to me. You must choose, Loki, and commit, for perhaps the first time in your life. I do not want to go against your nature and pin you down, but I need to know that in this matter you are not going to trick us all, that you’re with us.”

She takes in a deep breath and he steps back.

“When did you become such a wordsmith, Lady War?”

Her mouths corners twitch slightly. “Somebody had to make up for your absence.”

The gods grow serious once more.

“Loki,” she says quietly. “Once you were the only person who stood by my side and allowed me to become who I am now. I am standing here, in front of you on a bridge in Midgard, promising to do the same. I see the change in you, and the possibility of more.”

He squeezes his eyes closed and when he speaks his voice is haggard. “You can’t mean that. I- you saw what I _am_ -”

“You are Loki.” Sif moves forward and grasps his hands and his eyes fly open, meeting hers again. “I was friends with him, once. I would like to be again.”

“A lot has happened in those years.” Loki warns. “Even when I explain why I’ve done all I did, you won’t agree with my actions.”

She squeezes his hands, dark eyes warm in a way they haven’t been for a long time. “But I will listen and decide for myself.”

“Sif.”

“Come home, Loki.” Daylight is breaking now, splitting the sky with light and half of her face shines with it.

He gently pulls his hands away and turns to look back at the river. It takes a long time for him to decide and longer still to nod, not looking at her as he does. “Lead the way, my lady.”

He still sees the small smile she tucks away and that more than anything makes him think perhaps this was the right decision after all.

oooOOOooo

Later they will follow Thor to New York where all of the heroes are gathering. Loki manages to only get punched once by Barton and he’s surprised when Banner, Thor, Sif and Valkyrie all move immediately to shield him from any more stray fists.

“What the hell is he-”

“Thor, you can’t be serious.”

“If you think I’m putting him up in my home you’re _so_ wrong Point Break-”

“This arrow is finding his skull one way or another, I swear to God.”

“Enough!” Thor’s yell is accompanied by a thunder clap and Loki rolls his eyes at the dramatics with a sigh. “We need all the help we can get and Loki, as all of us know, is a formidable enemy. He will be an asset.”

“And I will kill any who try to harm him.” Sif vows, eyeing the rest of the people in the room seriously. “Though I will allow your blow,” she says to Hawkeye. “From what I have heard, it is warranted.”

“He warrants a lot more than that,” Clint mutters, arrow still knocked. Loki smiles at him and the spy’s eyes narrow further. “That’s it, he’s dead.”

“Clint,” Natasha starts at the same time Loki says, “Now, now. Everybody just calm down.”

He concentrates and then everybody except two are frozen in place, only their eyes still moving. He eyes the witch and Vision with interest, sparing them a smile.

“Impressive.” Vision says to him. “Though you know we cannot allow you to incapacitate our friends.”

“Just for a second.” Loki promises, hoping they will allow him this. “There are quite a lot of you and I would rather get to a safer position.”

Something like a whine escapes Dr. Strange’s lips and Loki glances at him. “Don’t think I’ve forgotten the falling incident,” he says before moving to a corner of the room that’s fairy unoccupied by righteousness instead of the center of the room with an arrow aimed for his temple. “Right,” he snaps his fingers and everybody comes back to life, accompanied by more yelling, Sif moving immediately in front of him to stop Barton and Banner is wrapping his arms around Natasha and whispering something in her ear. Steve and Bucky Barnes stay in place, side by side, both looking at him seriously while Tony is seemingly trying to convince Thor why throwing Loki back in a cell is the best idea.

The Scarlett Witch comes to stand beside him. “I believe you,” she says and Loki takes care to hide his bare hands from her touch.

“Why?” He asks, genuinely curious.

“I know what it is like to be alone.” She glances at Vision who hovers behind her.  They seem to be attached, these two. “I know what it makes you do. You will be happier for joining us. In the end.”

He snorts, watching the people in the room squabble. The Guardians of the Galaxy are watching with the same unimpressed looks on their faces and Strange moves to stand beside Stark. “Will I? Thanos is going to crush us all with barely a thought if this is how Team Good operates.”

Gamora looks over, as does Nebula. “That is an understatement.” The green one says.

Loki nods, looking at everybody thoughtfully. The Black Panther is in discussion with Peter Parker, gesturing towards Loki’s corner emphatically while the younger boy listens enraptured. The Falcon and Iron Patriot are standing side by side and Ant Man is watching all of this like it’s the most fascinating thing he’s ever seen.

“This is ridiculous,” Nebula mutters and Loki agrees. Sif looks back at him and quirks an eyebrow, making him sigh.

“If everybody would be quiet, for just a moment?” Loki calls, surprised when about half the room actually do stop yelling, the rest slowly following. “I don’t necessarily want to help you, but my brother has convinced me it is the right thing to do and that you’re all doomed without my assisrtance.”

“I did not say doomed.”

“So I am choosing to take pity on you all.” Loki continues without pause. “And tell you right now. You probably are going to die. But, if this is done right, the rest of the universe might not.”

Steve snorts. “And we’re supposed to fight with this guy?”

Loki smiles viciously. “Tell me Captain, have you worked with Thanos? How well do you know his army and powers? Can we not forget that I have kept the Tesseract from his grip once before?”

“Yeah and then you gave it to him anyway.” Stark interjects. “So I’m not really buying this whole spiel.”

Loki shrugs. “Sentiment weakened me.” Thor and Sif smile but the rest don’t. “As I was saying before I was interrupted,” he glared at Stark and the Soldier. “I will help you. And I won’t try and kill you or any Midgardians.”

There’s silence and Sif sighs right before Star Lord says, “Um was that it?”

“Why yes.”

“Shouldn’t you say sorry or something?”

“I beg your pardon?”

Quill shot a look to Drax, who shrugged, and then Bucky stepped forward, interrupting them. “I think he’s serious.”

“He is right here,” Loki mutters, but Sif elbows him.

“I agree.” Wanda says, and Vision nods.

“You’re all so fond of democracy, why don’t you vote on it,” Loki drawls and Thor shoots him a look but the effect is undermined when Captain America actually does call for a vote and the room is filled with raised hands and several emphatic ‘nays’.

And that is how Loki ends up becoming part of the _Avengers_.

oooOOOooo

Sleeping arrangements are, again, complicated.

“I’m not having him sleep here.” Stark is saying furiously to Thor while gesturing towards Loki. “Pepper is only leaving for D.C tomorrow, and if he spends one night under the same roof as her-”

“He has given his word.” Thor tries but Barton scoffs and Natasha nods beside her friend as if he’s actually said something worth agreeing to.

Loki rolls his eyes from where he sits across the room with Sif. “They could at least waste my time in another room.”

She hums, inspecting her blade. A useless gesture since Sif always makes sure her weapons are in the best condition possible before going to battle and today was no different. “Teams work out problems together, Loki. Besides, I think they all feel more comfortable where they can keep an eye on you.”

“Then why are they arguing pointlessly over sending me to sleep elsewhere?” Loki says. “That defeats the point of keeping an eye on me.”

She shrugs. “I do not claim to understand the minds of most of our new allies.”

“Allies,” Loki sneers quietly, but at a look from Sif he sighs and again turns to surveying the people around him.

Though people may be a bit of a stretch. Half of the members of this room don’t even seem _human_.

“Well I’d like to keep him where we can see him,” Rogers breaks into the debate and Loki resists the urge to snort. The knowing look Sif gives him anyway tells him his disdain has not gone unnoticed. “Back when he was first here the only peace we got was when he was in Fury’s cell.”

Loki notices Stark tense when Steve speaks and the way his fists clench. He wonders what exactly it was that happened in Thor’s absence here amongst the ragtag team of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

“Is that what we’re calling peace now?” Banner asks but nobody answers him.

“If I may say something?” Loki begins and is met with glares from every person in the room.

“You can’t.” Romanoff says.

He presses his lips together in amusement and shrugs, eyes glinting as he leans back in his seat. “If this is how you treat members of your team, may I say I am feeling extremely unwelcome.”

“Is this guy for real?” Barton murmurs to Natasha, and her answering smile is anything but amused.

“You are all wasting time.” Gamora cuts in finally, voice frustrated. “Thanos could come at any moment and you’re all squabbling about this minor god!”

Loki’s eyes narrowed and irritation flashed through him. “Excuse me-”

“We’re demigods, actually.” Thor says and Loki glares at him in disgust.

“Gamora is right.” Quill says, stepping up beside her. “We need to focus on the real problem.”

“Hey, buddy, since you ditched Earth and left us to deal with it’s problems doesn’t mean you get to come back and decide the guy who tried to destroy it is a minor issue, okay?” Stark says with annoyance.

Parker is nodding beside him. “It was pretty bad. I saw tons of videos about it.”

“Allfather help me,” Loki muttered.

Sif stood as well. “I agree we must focus on the problem at hand. Loki has said he will fight with us and I believe him. Thanos is the problem.”

“Um, sorry but who even are you?” Stark cuts in and Steve shoots him a look that is thoroughly ignored. “Are you the Persephone to his Hades or something?”

Thor chokes and Loki and Sif both frown. “I do not know what you mean.” She replies. “Are these warriors of your past?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Banner breaks in, looking slightly alarmed. “Look, guys, Loki helped us stop Hela and if Thor believes him we should too.”

Stark’s expression was dark. “Try telling Coulson that, Bruce.”

Barton was shaking his head. “I agree with Tony. I can’t work with him.”

“Then feel free to leave.” Loki snapped finally. “Or better yet, I will.” He shoots a look at Thor. “I told you this would be hopeless and once again I’m proven right. Nobody wants me here, least of all me, and I feel leaving you all to it would be in everybody’s best interest.”

“We’ve already voted.” Vision broke in. “It’s been decided.”

“Your vote has done nothing but waste time if you’re all still arguing.” Valkyrie says

“Um, guys?”

“I don’t know how you do things on Asgard but people trying to take over Earth aren’t just given a slap on the wrist and get-out-of-jail free card,” the Falcon was saying.

“Guys!” The other iron man, Iron Patriot, was gesturing out the large window. “We don’t have time to argue anymore. Thanos is here.”

As one they all turned to look out the window and Loki can’t shove down the fear the goes through him at the sight of the familiar ship.

“Well shit,” Tony says and that about sums it up.

oooOOOooo

Whatever misgivings the Avengers had felt for Loki seem to disappear in the middle of the battle. He supposes that compared to Thanos he is the less threatening of the two, at least in this very moment.

But it becomes clear to him when he is fighting Chitauri and other aliens from strange planets. The others have all spread out and been lost amongst the fray but Loki notes that Sif is nearby, and the Black Panther.

The hairs on his arms and the back of his neck rise suddenly and before he’s fully aware he is using one of his knives to stab a Chitauri soldier and throwing the other in the opposite direction without looking, only turning as the blade finds it’s mark in the neck of an alien that was about to stab Sif in the back.

But he can’t stop and neither can she. Both of them keep moving, trying to make their way towards Thanos who is currently fighting Tony, Strange and the Guardians of the Galaxy.

He hears a distant yell from Thor and his hair stands up again as a huge blast of lightning comes down, jumping from one alien body to another, momentarily clearing the way for Loki to rush forward. His magic is gathered at his palms and he drops his glamour to allow blades of freezing and razor sharp ice to appear. It’s while he’s cutting a swath of soldiers down that he notes Barton appear from no where and he hurriedly covers the man while the archer switches one empty quiver for a full one.

They only exchange one look, but it’s enough for Loki to know he’s not going to be stabbed in the back if he turns around and that’s good enough for him.

The fighting seems to take hours and still at the end of the day, Thanos escapes with minor casualties.

But it’s a start. They haven’t lost anyone either, though a few injuries are severe.

Loki helps heal a wound in Steve Rogers arm, both of them glaring at one another the entire time. Sif is a comforting presence at his back though and that stops Loki from throwing his hands up and walking away entirely.

The tired but pleased smile Thor gives him helps too, he supposes. It’s been a while since things have been this… good between Loki and the people he cares about.

He hides away in Stark Tower, avoiding the public and the cameras and the others. He wanders around, Sif beside him and eventually everyone congregates in a sitting area.

“You need to move to Base,” Stark is muttering to Steve, both of them standing oddly tense. “I don’t even think I have enough space here for everybody, and the tech there is made for people like us.”

“And you?” Steve asks. “You’d leave Pepper and come with us?”

Stark hesitates and Loki catches something almost like fear cross his face. When he glances at the Captain he sees he wasn’t the only one to notice.

“We need you, Stark.” Rogers says and Loki turns to Thor who’s appeared to stand beside him.

“What happened between those two?” He asks his brother and Thor frowns.

“I do not know. Banner and I have missed something.”

Sif sighs. “Dissention among us will only help Thanos.”

Loki glances at her, noting the scratch on her arm, the dirt she still hadn’t washed off of her face and the careful way he was flexing one of her hands.

“Stark’s right though.” He says. “We all need a place to stay. Rest, recuperate, that sort of thing.”

“I will speak to them.” Thor says and moves forwards towards the two who are now arguing quietly and Loki turns to walk away. Thor will find him when something’s been decided.

“How’s your hand?” He asks Sif and feels a quiet sense of pride when she looks at him in surprise.

“Fine.” She flexes it again. “Just punched one too many of those things in the face, I think.”

Loki smiles. “I did not think that possible.”

“Even I have my limits.” Sif says with an unhappy frown, and Loki resists smiling again.

“And you?” Sif asks. “You’re alright?”

“Quite untouched, thank you. I trained many of these creatures, taught them a lot of their techniques and learned their own. It gives me an advantage.”

Sif hums. “And you couldn’t have told the rest of us?”

“You all made it out didn’t you?” He says back and rolls his eyes when she glares. “In case you’ve forgotten, there wasn’t really time.”

“Mmm.” She still sounds disapproving but there’s no heat behind it and Loki relaxes.

“I am glad you are safe, though.” He says quietly after checking to make sure no one else is around them. Surprisingly they are alone standing in front of Stark’s huge windows and looking out over the city of Manhattan. “I know better than most that you can take care of yourself but…”

He trails off, unsure whether or not she’s offended by his admission and several seconds pass where he stares resolutely outside.

When Sif gently takes his hand and squeezes he feels the tension ebb away.

“I feel the same.”

Loki knows that this time, if they can survive Thanos, they’re going to be okay. He’s not sure where Sif’s forgiveness comes from, not sure whether they can ever really have the trust they once did between them again, but there’s hope.

They’ve come so far over their 1500 years. All three of them, him, Sif and Thor. New people will come and go, some will stay, but Loki’s sure that this time, if he can have this, he won’t try and ruin it. He’s sick of pushing people away, and they’re sick of constantly having to fight to get him back.

No more, he decides. He knows his nature, but he knows on top of thriving on chaos he is selfish, and he selfishly wants those he loves to love him back.

Sif’s thumb strokes over Loki’s and he smiles quietly to himself, still looking out over the city.

For now, even with everything going on, he’s happy. He’s content in ways he hasn’t been in years and Sif standing beside him is a big part of that.

And that’s all Loki can ask for.


End file.
